


Captains Hell™

by cowomet



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: CAPTAIN SQUAD, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rarepair, This is completely self indulgent, chatfic, im just here to push my rarepair agenda, legit its like all rarepairs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:22:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28418304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowomet/pseuds/cowomet
Summary: In which Oikawa has the terrible idea to make a group chat for all the captains, and it goes about as well as one would expect - horribly. Rarepairs, friend dynamics, and 4am shenanigans ensue! And yes, it is all rarepairs. Monoshippers, read at your own risk.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Kozume Kenma, Kuroo Tetsurou/Semi Eita, Moniwa Kaname/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Because I have no motivation to write actual fics but I still want to write something, here it is, boys: the rarepair hell chatfic nobody asked for. 
> 
> I'm not sure how often I'll update, but I'll try to post at least once a week! As the summary said, there's pretty much only rarepairs in this, but if you don't like a ship, please keep it to yourself. If you don't like it, don't read it. 
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoy!!
> 
> They're not too difficult, but just in case, here's a nickname guide: 
> 
> tooru - Oikawa Tooru  
> Sawamura - Sawamura Daichi  
> moniaaa - Moniwa Kaname  
> Cheshire - Kuroo Tetsurou  
> HOOTERS - Bokuto Koutarou  
> Ushijima - Ushijima Wakatoshi

**tooru** _created_ **Captains Chat™**.

**tooru:** ahem 

**tooru** _added_ **Sawamura** _and_ **moniaaa**.

**Sawamura:** What is this? 

**tooru:** read the chat name sawacchi 🙄 

**Sawamura:** That's not what I meant-  
Why'd you make this? 

**tooru:** after the interhigh ended i realized that we've all been captains this entire time and i barely even know u guys smh  
so this was made to change that 

**moniaaa:** Oikawa-kun, we aren't the only captains you know 

**tooru:** cut me some slack moni-chan :( i only have your numbers  
if you know any captains you wanna add go ahead 

**Sawamura:** Alright, I guess. I'll go ahead and add Kuroo and Bokuto. 

**moniaaa:** I'll invite Shiratorizawa's captain!!

**tooru:** DON'T YOU DARE 

**Sawamura:** Please do! 

**tooru:** SAWACCHI NO 

**moniaaa** _added_ **Ushijima**. 

**tooru:** FUCK YOU MONI-CHAN 

**Ushijima:** Ah, hello, Sawamura-kun, Oikawa-kun. Thank you for adding me, Kaname. 

**moniaaa:** Welcome to the captain chat Wakatoshi-kun!!

**tooru:** WHY ARE YOU ON A FIRST NAME BASIS  
THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA  
I REGRET THIS ALREADY  
SAWACCHI HURRY UP AND ADD YOUR IDIOTS SINCE THIS CAN'T POSSIBLY GET ANY WORSE 

**Sawamura** _added_ **Cheshire** _and_ **HOOTERS**. 

**tooru:** WELCOME TO FUCKING HELL 

**tooru** _set the chat name to_ **Captains Hell™**.

**moniaaa:** This entire chat was your idea!!

**tooru:** YEAH AND IT WAS GOING GREAT UNTIL YOU INVITED USHIWAKA 

**Ushijima:** Don't call me that, thank you. 

**HOOTERS:** HEY HEY HEY EVERYBODY

**tooru:** FUCK YOU

**HOOTERS:** D:

**Cheshire:** Daichi i thought you said this would be fun 

**Sawamura:** No, I said it would be _entertaining,_ and as you can see, I was telling the truth. 

**moniaaa:** Wakatoshi is a captain too :< just give him a chance!! 

**tooru:** NO I DON'T THINK I WILL  
AND AGAIN WHY ARE YOU ON A FIRST NAME BASIS

**Ushijima:** I have a question. 

**tooru:** WHAT

**Sawamura:** What is it, Ushijima? 

**Ushijima:** Oikawa-kun, at the start of the chat you said that you thought of this after interhigh. Why did it take so long to make this? 

**tooru:** i didn't wanna get attached to any of you because i didn't wanna feel bad after i crushed you duh 

**Sawamura:** …

**moniaaa:** …

**Ushijima:** …

**Cheshire:** …

**HOOTERS:** I'm confused whats going on 

**tooru:** YES I AM AWARE THAT WE DIDN'T GO TO NATIONALS BUT I EXPECTED US TO YOU CAN STOP WITH THE DOT DOT DOTS

**Cheshire:** THEY'RE CALLED ELLIPSES DUMBASS 

**tooru:** SHUT THE FUCK UP CATBOY 

**moniaaa:** ANYWAY  
I don't know who all of you are so maybe we should all make a little introduction?? like our names + teams + pronouns + favorite kouhai and stuff 

**Sawamura:** Sounds like a good idea to me. 

**tooru:** fine 

**HOOTERS:** CAN I START 

**moniaaa:** Yes!! 

**HOOTERS:** HI HELLO HEY HEY HEY MY NAME IS BOKUTO KOUTAROU IM THE CAPTAIN AND ACE OF FUKURODANI  
I GO BY HE/HIM BUT SHIT MAN I MIGHT TRY OUT HE/THEY SOON ENOUGH  
AKAASHI IS MY FAVORITE KOUHAI AND IM ALSO ONE OF THE TOP 5 ACES IN THE NATION 😎

**Cheshire:** He used to be top 3 and then someone took his spot 

**HOOTERS:** WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP BRINGING THAT UP 

**moniaaa:** I'll go next!!  
Moniwa Kaname, 3rd year ex-setter and Date Tech's ex-captain!! I go by any pronouns, but preferably he/him or she/her!! As for my favorite kouhai...I should probably say Futakuchi-kun since I made him the next captain, but definitely Sakunami-kun 

**Sawamura:** I'll never understand how you all can tell people you have a favorite kouhai. 

**Ushijima:** After our game, when your #6 tripped while helping clean up, you acted like he was dying, but when your #9 slipped you just told him to get up. 

**Cheshire:** When Tanaka and Nishinoya almost broke a vase with Ennoshita in the same room you told them off for putting him in danger 

**tooru:** after our practice match you tried to tie number 6's shoes for him 

**Sawamura:** Well yeah, but I'm not going to outright say he's my favorite. 

**moniaaa:** Sawamura Daichi, everyone. Amazing captain, very nice guy, but also occasionally an ass 

**Sawamura:** Thank you for the compliments. <3

**moniaaa:** <3 

**tooru:** romance is in the air 😳 

**Ushijima:** No, it isn't. 

**tooru:** NOBODY ASKED YOU USHIWAKA 

**Sawamura:** Don't ruin my chances with your commentary, Oikawa. 

**moniaaa:** I'm sorry Sawamura-kun, but my heart belongs to another 

**HOOTERS:** anyone want some popcorn 

**Cheshire:** Yes

**tooru:** yes 

**Sawamura:** WHO IS THIS MAN??

**moniaaa:** He  
*insert sound effect*  
is  
*insert second sound effect*  
*pause for effect*  
Wakatoshi-kun :>

**Sawamura:** GASP 

**tooru:** WAIT WAIT WAIT  
WAIT  
WHAT  
W HAT 

**Ushijima:** Is something wrong, Oikawa-kun?

**tooru:** WHAT THE FUCK  
YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT 

**moniaaa:** Maybe, maybe not 

**Sawamura:** Oh, did he never tell you, Oikawa? 

**tooru:** TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING  
USHIWAKA TELL ME HE'S JOKING 

**Ushijima:** I don't wish to lie to you, Oikawa-kun. 

**tooru:** WHAT THE FUCK!!!  
MONI-CHAN SEIJOH AND DATEKO HAVE SO MANY PRACTICE GAMES TOGETHER  
WE HAVE TRAINING CAMPS  
WE TALK REGULARLY OUTSIDE OF VOLLEYBALL  
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS 

**Cheshire:** Daichi was right this is the most entertaining shit I've ever seen 

**HOOTERS:** this is WAY funnier than when we found out kai and konoha are a thing 

**Sawamura:** KAI AND KONOHA ARE A THING?? 

**tooru:** STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT 

**moniaaa:** Sorry Oiks I would've told you but it never really came up :<  
We've been together since last summer!! 

**tooru:** THAT LONG????

**HOOTERS:** I always thought ushiwaka was dating one of his teammates 🤔 

**Ushijima:** Most of my teammates are menaces. Which one did you think I was with?  
Also, please just call me Ushijima. 

**HOOTERS:** Kuroo had his money on your pinch server but i always thought it was your middle blocker 

**Ushijima:** Eita and Satori?  
Or, Semi and Tendou, I suppose, as you all would know them. They're good friends, but I could never imagine being anything more with them.

**Cheshire:** Wait so your pinch server is single 

**Ushijima:** Last I checked, yes. 

**Cheshire:** Holy shit  
Hey daichi you should invite Shiratorizawa to our next training camp if we have one before we all graduate 

**Sawamura:** You just want to flirt with Semi, don't you? 

**Cheshire:** Yes 

**Ushijima:** I doubt there will be time for a training camp, with the Spring Tournament being so soon. I could always just introduce the two of you some time. 

**Cheshire:** I would be forever in your debt 

**Ushijima:** That would come in handy.

**Cheshire:** What

**Ushijima:** Don't worry about it. 

**tooru:** this chat was a mistake  
moni-chan is dating ushiwaka and we didnt even get through the fucking intros 

**Cheshire:** Oh yeah we just skipped past those huh 

**Sawamura:** I'll go ahead and do mine.  
I'm Sawamura, but feel free to call me Daichi, captain of Karasuno. I go by he/him and kye/kyr/kyne, but if you don't behave I'm taking your he/him rights away. I refuse to say whether or not I have a favorite kouhai. 

**Cheshire:** Fuck it, my turn  
I'm Kuroo, I'm Nekoma's captain, they/he, I stan Kenma but Shibayama is a close second favorite, and I'm also incredibly attracted to Shiratorizawa's emo looking ass pinch server

**Ushijima:** If he were here, they'd correct you and say it's not emo, it's punk. Anyways, I'll do mine.  
I am Ushijima Wakatoshi, captain of Shiratorizawa and one of the top three aces in the country. I use he/him pronouns but don't particularly mind others. We don't play favorites at Shiratorizawa. 

**tooru:** ohhhh that's RICH coming from washijou's favorite toy 

**Ushijima:** Excuse me? 

**moniaaa:** OOOOOKAY LET'S CUT THIS CONVERSATION OFF BEFORE IT STARTS OIKAWA DO YOUR INTRO 

**tooru:** FINE  
i'm oikawa tooru, the number 1 setter in the nation, my favorite food is milk bread, i use he/him pronouns, and kindaichi deserves the world he's my favorite by far 

**HOOTERS:** I dont think ur the #1 setter bro??

**tooru:** IWA-CHAN SAYS I AM SO I AM 

**Sawamura:** Wow. This chat really _was_ a terrible idea.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Cheshire:** Wait why are you up  
> Oikawa never answered me either  
> Go to bed you sleep deprived heathens 
> 
> **tooru:** no fuck you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Kuroo is a simp and Moniwa is tired
> 
> Nickname guide:
> 
> tooru - Oikawa Tooru  
> Sawamura - Sawamura Daichi  
> moniaaa - Moniwa Kaname  
> Cheshire - Kuroo Tetsurou  
> HOOTERS - Bokuto Koutarou  
> Ushijima - Ushijima Wakatoshi

**Captains Hell™** , 4:09AM

**tooru:** goooooood morning captain friends and ushiwaka 

**Cheshire:** Dude it's 4am why are you awake 

**tooru:** why are YOU awake 

**Cheshire:** Well I was up until 1 working on a project  
And then Kenma wanted to play Minecraft  
And now he won't let me stop playing until we beat the ender dragon 

**moniaaa:** How's that going for you? 

**Cheshire:** Terribly thanks for asking I suck at Minecraft and he only asks me to play with him so he can laugh at me 

**tooru:** damn, i wanna play minecraft 😔 

**moniaaa:** I don't have Minecraft but we could always play among us together Oikawa-kun!!

**tooru:** REALLY MONI-CHAN??  
YOU'D PLAY 4AM AMONG US WITH ME???

**moniaaa:** If I'm up at 4am, I might as well do something, so yes! 

**Cheshire:** Wait why are you up  
Oikawa never answered me either  
Go to bed you sleep deprived heathens 

**tooru:** no fuck you

**moniaaa:** Insomnia and yearning 

**tooru:** why are you yearning you have your shitty boyfriend 

**moniaaa:** He's not shitty :< in fact I'm yearning for him because he gives good cuddles but he couldn't come over today because he's swamped with schoolwork :<<

**Cheshire:** Damn, Shiratorizawa'a schoolwork must be tough  
Maybe I should wait to ask Semi out until after he graduates 

**moniaaa:** You should probably try actually meeting him first 

**Cheshire:** Baby steps, Moniwa 

**tooru:** he's probably had a script for how he'll ask semi out for months now but still doesn't know how he'll say hello 

**Cheshire:** I HATE THAT YOU'RE RIGHT  
I'VE PLOTTED OUT SEVEN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS IN MY HEAD SINCE THAT ONE TIME I SAW THEM PLAY ON TV 

**tooru:** don't be shy tell us your plans 👀

**Cheshire:** Fine  
Plan number one  
I run into them at a coffee shop. I'm in front of them in line. I tell the barista that I'll pay for his drink. He orders. I tell them that I think he's really pretty. He says something witty that makes my heart skip a beat. I ask if he wants to go on a walk with me. They accept. We spend the walk telling each other about ourselves. They offer to walk me home. I give him my number when they drop me off at my place. We start texting each other every night. Two weeks into this, we're both smitten. I ask him out. They say yes. In the future we get married at that coffee shop and adopt two kids and a dog named Ikki.  
What dya think 

**moniaaa:** As someone who's met Semi-kun, I have to say this 

**Cheshire:** What 

**moniaaa:** You're a fucking idiot if you think it's gonna go like that  
Spare yourself the pain and try a different plan  
He'd probably refuse to let you pay and think you only want to because you think he looks broke  
Do better, Kuroo-kun

**Cheshire:** WOW

**tooru:** FJYNSJTJDN DAMN MONI-CHAN YOU'RE NOT HOLDING BACK HUH 

**moniaaa:** I can't _always_ be the nice one  
I just don't want him to actually expect that to go well  
Also Semi-kun doesn't like kids and he's a cat person 

**Cheshire:** Wait 

**tooru:** oh boy 

**Cheshire:** Did you just say he's a cat person 

**moniaaa:** Yes?

**Cheshire:** FUCK YEAH  
HE'S A CAT PERSON  
EVERYONE CALLS ME A CATBOY  
I HAVE A CHANCE 

**tooru:** I'M-

**moniaaa:** Ok no I'm out goodnight you two 

**Captains Hell™** , 8:01AM 

**Sawamura:** What the hell 

**Ushijima:** I should show Eita that plan and see what he thinks of it. 

**HOOTERS:** PLEASE DO 

**tooru:** DO IT 

**moniaaa:** I- 

**Cheshire:** _NO-_

**Ushijima:** Give me a moment, I'm showing them. 

**Cheshire:** USHIJIMA PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME WE HAVEN'T TALKED MUCH BUT WE'RE BROS DUDE DON'T DO THIS TO YOUR BRO

**HOOTERS:** YES YES YES YES 

**Ushijima:** They stared at me for a few seconds and then said that the person who wrote it is delusional.

**tooru:** WOW

**Sawamura:** I mean, he's not wrong.

**tooru:** _WOW_

**Cheshire:** I

**moniaaa:** Let's just hope they forget about it when Wakatoshi-kun sets you two up- 

**Cheshire:** I hate it here 

**Ushijima:** They also said that you sounded interesting.

**Cheshire:** OH MY GOD SEMI THINKS I'M INTERESTING

**Sawamura:** You really aren't difficult at all, huh?

**Cheshire:** SHUSH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so we have our first 4am shenanigan, and buckle up boys because there are a _lot_ of 4am shenanigans


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Sawamura:** I will have a bromance with whoever I want, Oikawa. 
> 
> **tooru:** have a bromance with me!! 
> 
> **Sawamura:** No.
> 
>  **tooru:** :(  
> this is oikaphobia 
> 
> **ushi gushi:** No one would ever want to turn down a bromance with you if you'd gone to Shiratorizawa. 
> 
> **tooru:** FUCK OFF WHY DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A BROMANCE IS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wish i could tell you guys when the next chapter will be out but even i don't know it's a mystery to us all
> 
> Nickname guide:
> 
> tooru - Oikawa Tooru   
> Sawamura - Sawamura Daichi   
> moniaaa - Moniwa Kaname   
> Cheshire - Kuroo Tetsurou   
> HOOTERS - Bokuto Koutarou   
> Ushijima - Ushijima Wakatoshi

**Captains Hell™** , 1:37PM 

**HOOTERS:** QUESTION 

**tooru:** ANSWER 

**HOOTERS:** WE KNOW THAT MONIWA AND USHI GUSHI ARE TOGETHER SO THEIR LOVE LIVES ARE PRETTY GOOD

 **moniaaa:** USHI GUSHI…… 

**tooru:** USHI GUSHI

 **tooru** _set_ **Ushijima** _'s nickname to_ **ushi gushi**. 

**ushi gushi:** What did I do to deserve this? 

**tooru:** go to shiratorizawa 

**Sawamura:** ..Anyway, what were you saying, Bokuto? 

**HOOTERS:** IS ANYONE ELSE STRUGGLING WITH RELATIONSHIPS  
OR AM I JUST CURSED 

**Sawamura:** Depends; what do you mean by struggling? 

**Cheshire:** He means that he falls for people way too easily and his crush of the week is someone he can't afford to have a crush on because they're really good friends so it'd be awkward if he asked them out 

**HOOTERS:** IM SUFFERING 

**Cheshire:** It'll pass, dumbass, calm down 

**HOOTERS:** YEAH BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT AT THE END OF THE DAY I _ALWAYS_ HAVE A CRUSH ON THEM EVEN WHEN I THINK I HAVE A NEW ONE ON SOMEONE ELSE 

**tooru:** _yikes_ dude that's rough 

**ushi gushi:** Who is it that you like? 

**HOOTERS:** I dont wanna say :( 

**ushi gushi:** Alright, my apologies. 

**moniaaa:** If you really like them you should shoot your shot!! I doubt they'd reject you if you're close!! 

**HOOTERS:** BUT WHAT IF THEY DO 

**Cheshire:** They literally won't but go off I guess 

**HOOTERS:** HOW DO YOU KNOW 

**Cheshire:** That's classified information  
I'm gonna go terrorize Yakkun now you guys have fun with this idiot 

**HOOTERS:** KUROO DON'T LEAVE ME 

**Cheshire** _has gone offline._

 **HOOTERS:** NOOOO 

**Sawamura:** Hey, Bokuto, listen to me for a sec. 

**HOOTERS:** ?

 **Sawamura:** Wait for a little while. Maybe a week or two. If the crush doesn't pass by then, ask them for something small - like to go see a movie or something like that. It's simple and it doesn't require a lot of actual interacting with each other, so it won't really seem like a date to them. If it seems like one to you, though, they might catch onto it and they might get nervous if they like you back or they'll try to let you down subtly. 

**tooru:** what the fuck sawacchi why does that actually sound like good advice 

**Sawamura:** ?? I've been in relationships before, you know. I had a girlfriend a month ago, even if we did break it off because neither of us really felt that way towards each other anymore. 

**tooru:** oh yikes  
was that a rough breakup? 

**Sawamura:** Not really. She had a crush on someone else and I just didn't like her romantically anymore, so we were both pretty calm about it, and I'm over it now. 

**HOOTERS:** !!! I'll try that!!!  
Idk if theyd like the movies tho 🤔 maybe ill ask them to go to the arcade  
They'd like that 

**Sawamura:** I can't tell you if my advice is actually any good, but let me know if you need any and I'll try to think of something.

 **HOOTERS:** !!!!!!!!!  
daichi…...bro……...ily 

**Sawamura:** I love you, too, bro…

 **tooru:** so you learn moni-chan's got a boyfriend and now you have a bromance with boku-chan? smh sawacchi 🙄 

**Sawamura:** I will have a bromance with whoever I want, Oikawa. 

**tooru:** have a bromance with me!! 

**Sawamura:** No.

 **tooru:** :(  
this is oikaphobia 

**ushi gushi:** No one would ever want to turn down a bromance with you if you'd gone to Shiratorizawa. 

**tooru:** FUCK OFF WHY DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT A BROMANCE IS 

**ushi gushi:** Believe it or not, I am not stupid. 

**tooru:** I'M CHOOSING NOT TO  
GO TO HELL

 **moniaaa:** Can you at least _try_ to get along  
This chat is giving me more gray hairs than when Futakuchi-kun convinced the first years that the gym was haunted and they believed him for four months 

**Sawamura:** I have to give him some credit; even if I'm not the biggest fan of Futakuchi, if he can get them to believe that for months, he has to be smarter than he acts. 

**moniaaa:** Futakuchi-kun is very smart!! 

**tooru:** he wasn't very hard to beat tho  
are u positive he was the best choice for captain 

**moniaaa:** Yes!!  
Dateko only lost because they were still getting used to not having the third years around, and you'll know I'm right when he takes the team to Nationals next year!! 

**Sawamura:** Well, I can't really believe that, because Ennoshita will be taking Karasuno back to Nationals. 

**tooru:** um no smh someone's gonna take seijoh there next year  
idk who yet  
but _someone_

 **ushi gushi:** You haven't decided on who will take your place yet?

 **tooru:** well i can't just make it my favorite kouhai because kindaichi is still a first year so i can't use the tactic you guys did 

**moniaaa:** Hey, I said Sakunami-kun is my favorite!! And besides, Futakuchi-kun isn't even my favorite second year  
I don't think playing favorites is a good way to pick a captain  
I chose Futakuchi-kun because he has the confidence that the other second years don't, and he's practically the opposite of me, so I think he'll make a better captain than I did 

**Sawamura:** I didn't even pick Ennoshita, to be honest with you. The other second years did. That's why I trust him to lead the team - if my kouhai can, I can. 

**ushi gushi:** Our coach chose our next captain for us, but I suspect our kouhai would have wanted Shirabu as our captain either way. 

**HOOTERS:** Akaashi's already the vice captain so it just makes sense for him to be the next one!! 

**tooru:** idk man it'll probably end up being yahaba no matter who chooses since the only other 2nd years that ever go onto the court are our libero and mad dog  
trust me when i say that nobody wants mad dog as their captain

 **ushi gushi:** Mad Dog is...Kyoutani-kun, correct? Yamagata watched the game he played in. He said that he seemed eccentric at best. 

**tooru:** ha, that's one way to put it  
so who all are the next gen captains huh  
yahaba, ennoshita, futakuchi, akaashi, and shirabu  
**@Cheshire** who's nekoma's 

**Cheshire** _is online._

 **Cheshire:** I don't fucking know man  
All our second years would suck as captains  
Yamamoto's too impulsive, Kenma's lazy, and Fukunaga barely ever talks and when he does it's to tell a joke 

**tooru:** are his jokes funny 

**Cheshire:** Yes he's the comedic backbone of the team 

**HOOTERS:** Kenma would be a great captain bro 😔

 **Cheshire:** Don't let your feelings blind you that's a lie and you know it 

**moniaaa:** Feelings, huh? 

**Sawamura:** Guess now we know who he was talking about before. 

**HOOTERS:** FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the bokuken shippers are finally getting a victory, good for them
> 
> sorry that this chapter was a little short, im having a Time™ irl so shorter ones are just easier


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ushi gushi:** This is real life, though? 
> 
> **Sawamura:** Is it really? 
> 
> **ushi gushi:** Pardon? 
> 
> **Sawamura:** Nevermind. 
> 
> **tooru:** girl what the fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me walking in like it hasn't been a month since i updated
> 
> nickname guide:
> 
> tooru - Oikawa Tooru  
> Sawamura - Sawamura Daichi  
> moniaaa - Moniwa Kaname  
> Cheshire - Kuroo Tetsurou  
> HOOTERS - Bokuto Koutarou  
> ushi gushi - Ushijima Wakatoshi

**Captains Hell™** , 6:43PM

**moniaaa:** _Image attachment. A picture of Ushijima asleep on a couch. He's half-covered by a blanket._

**moniaaa:** He's only been here for two hours but he's already asleep :<

**HOOTERS:** When will moniwa finally get his cuddles :((( 

**Cheshire:** Yikes  
He must've really worked himself to the bone on all his schoolwork to fall asleep at 6 

**tooru:** dump his ass  
go back to sawacchi 

**moniaaa:** No!!!!

**Sawamura:** Wow. I must've been a shitty brofriend. 

**moniaaa:** YOU WEREN'T I SWEAR!!!!!

**tooru:** it's alright sawacchi, i'll be your brofriend 😌

**Sawamura:** No. 

**tooru:** WOW OK 

**Sawamura:** Bokuto, you're my brofriend now. 

**HOOTERS:** ANYTHING FOR YOU BEYONCE 

**Cheshire:** Why does Oikawa hate Ushijima so much anyway  
We haven't talked much but he seems pretty chill 

**tooru:** OH I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED. USHIWAKA MURDERED MY FAMILY 

**HOOTERS:** WAIT WHAT 

**Sawamura:** Oikawa's team always loses to Shiratorizawa, and at one point after we beat Seijoh, Ushijima told him that he would have been able to keep playing volleyball if he'd accepted the offer to go to Shiratorizawa that he'd gotten in middle school. 

**Cheshire:** _Shit_ dude that's a low blow 

**moniaaa:** He's really not as bad as that makes him sound :<

**tooru:** he's a BITCH moni-chan and i will NEVER approve of your relationship with him 

**moniaaa:** That's alright I'll just make Sasaya my best man if we get married then 

**tooru:** WAIT NO WHAT THE FUCK I STILL WANNA BE YOUR BEST MAN 

**Cheshire:** How'd you two get together anyways?? 

**Sawamura:** I've been wondering that myself, actually. 

**moniaaa:** Allow me to tell you the magical and romantic story ✨✨✨

**tooru:** i doubt it was anything special but go ahead ig 

**moniaaa:** So it was the summer after our second year! I work at a candy shop for some extra cash, and normally the only customers that regularly come in are Futakuchi ready to raid our sour gummy supply and a few parents that come to get stuff for their kids. But then, one day, during a pretty quiet shift, Ushijima Wakatoshi walked in!! Our teams have played each other before, so I'd already spoken to him once or twice, and I decided to see if I could get anywhere in a conversation with him - mostly just out of boredom and so I could see Kamasaki's face when I told him I had a full on conversation with Ushiwaka. Turns out he'd gone there to do a favor for one of his teammates, since they were really stressed and he wanted to get some sweets for them. When he left, I expected that to be it, but then next week he came back with the excuse of Semi's little sister wanting some candy he knew we sold here, and then a few days after that he came back saying he was getting treats for the team, and then he kept coming back every few days and we kept talking until I finally asked him if he wanted to get some coffee and he said sure, and one thing led to another and after a very romantic walk we confessed to each other under a sakura tree and now we're dating! 

**tooru:** …

**Cheshire:** …

**Sawamura:** …

**HOOTERS:** Not this again D: 

**tooru:** ARE YOU LIVING IN A FUCKING FANFICTION???? 

**moniaaa:** NO????

**Cheshire:** YOU DEFINITELY ARE 

**Sawamura:** I don't think I've ever felt more single than I do right now. 

**HOOTERS:** That's a really cute story tho moniwa!!!!!

**moniaaa:** Thanks!! 

**tooru:** YOU EVEN CONFESSED UNDER A SAKURA TREE  
I HATE IT HERE 

**Cheshire:** SHIT MAN I WANNA LIVE IN A FANFICTION 

**tooru:** BRB DOWNLOADING A DATING APP 

**Sawamura:** I'm happy for you and all, Moniwa, but I think all of us just died a little inside

**moniaaa:** He's waking up so I'm gonna go back to living my fanfiction life now!! 

**moniaaa** _has gone offline._

**tooru:** life is pain 

**HOOTERS:** OK BUT IMAGINE BEING ON DATEKO'S TEAM AND SEEING MONIWA BEING WALKED TO PRACTICE BY ONE OF THE TOP 5 SPIKERS IN THE NATION 

**Cheshire:** Top 3*

**HOOTERS:** DONT REMIND ME

**Captains Hell™ **, 7:32PM****

**ushi gushi** _is online._

**ushi gushi:** ...

Ah. So that's why she didn't want me to backread.

**tooru:** SHUT UP FANFICTION LOVE INTEREST

**ushi gushi:** This is real life, though?

**Sawamura:** Is it really?

**ushi gushi:** Pardon?

**Sawamura:** Nevermind.

**tooru:** girl what the fuck

**Cheshire:** Didn't take Daichi for the conspiracy type...

**Sawamura:** Shut it, catboy.

**Cheshire:** SEMI IS A CAT PERSON DAICHI

THAT'S A COMPLIMENT 

**ushi gushi:** Ah. I'll have to tell them that I'm planning to set them up with a furry.

**tooru:** A FURRY???

**moniaaa:** I-

**HOOTERS:** I THINK KUROO JUST DIED

**Sawamura:** Finally.

**tooru:** SAWACCHI?????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so im going to be making an attempt to post a ship drabble everyday of february so if you wanna see a ship hopefully everyday then ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ check my profile next month ig lmao

**Author's Note:**

> This was hell to format but this will be the start of a very fun fic 👀


End file.
